Bird Calls

“OK, dude, I’ve got a question.”

“Right, dude, what new Seven bug are you stuck on this … birds? Yer lookin’ at birds!? Since when?”

“Look, dude, it’s self-defense, ‘k? Quilly put out bird feeders a few weeks ago, an’ ever since she ‘n OC have been runnin’ ’round the place with books ‘n smmmfffpfh!”

“Keep it clean, dude.”

“Y’mean like how them birds ‘re keepin’ the porch? Gimme a break, willya? With Q ‘n OC runnin’ ’round all the time, ‘What’s that bird?’, ‘What’s that one?’, ‘Let me see the bird guide!’, ‘Now where did you put the camera?’, I mean, what’s a dude s’posed to do?”

“Tell ’em Christmas is over an’ they don’t need no callin’ birds no more?”

“Dude. So I’m walkin’ with OC as he’s walkin’ to work this mornin’, and he hears this bird. ‘Parently it didn’t get the ‘Christmas-is-over’ memo either. Hmm, he says. A red-winged blackbird. What’s it doing here? They usually go south for the winter.”
                                         
“Sounds like a gnarly idea to me.”
                                         
“Y’ain’t gonna get there on seed power, dude. So he’s babblin’ on ’bout breedin’ seasons an’ migrations an’, um, stuff, an’ the only red wings I ever heard ’bout ‘re in Detroit, so when I got back here I started googlin’ birds to see if I could figure out what the hell he was talkin’ about.”
                                         
“An’ you got it figured?”
                                         

“I can’t even figure out the names. They make no sense. I mean, look. If that bird up there is a Red-winged Blackbird, how come they don’t call this one here a Black-winged Redbird? Huh?”
                                         
“What? An’ miss out on a cool name like that?”
                                         
“What’re y’lookin’ at, dude?”
                                         
“Right there, dude, maybe you can’t see it ’cause yer nose is in the way. The Scarlet Teenager!”
                                         
“The latest Marvel superhero, who swoops upon dudes and takes away their ability to read. Not Teenager, dude! Tanager. Yeah, I know, it ain’t tan-colored anywhere. But that’s my problem, dude! The names make no sense, like I said!”
                                         
“Dude?”
                                         
“What?”
                                         
“Boooooorring!”
                                         
“Yeah? Maybe you’d be more interested if’n I told you what group of birds those chickadees over there belonged to.”
                                         
“An’ what group is that?”
                                         
“The tits!”
                                         
“Really?!? Not much of a handf …”
                                         
“Actually, dude, in your case, that’d be the twits.”
                                         
“Hey!!”