“C’mon, dude! We gotta march!”
“Too late, dude.”
“Whaddaya mean, ‘too late’??”
“Two months too late, dude.”
“What?!”
“It’s May, dude. Y’wanna do anythin’ in March, it’s two months too late. Or ten months too early. Pick one.”
“Du-uuuuuude! Not calendar March. Marching march! Ya know. Picket signs. Megaphones. Beer.”
“Tear gas?”
“Whats’amatta wit’ ya? I thought you an’ OC believed in climate change, big time.”
“OC don’t ‘believe‘ nothin’. But he does accept the evidence that the climate is changin’ an’ we’re the ones who’re doin’ it. Is that what this is all about?”
“So he ain’t a mass murderer like the billboard says.”
“What billboard?”
“You ain’t heard?!? The one that went up in Chicago that says that anyone who believes in climate change is a killer like this Ted K … K … K …”
“Kaczynski?”
“Yeah! Him! Wha’d he do, anyway?”
“Um … killed people?”
“‘Zactly! You kill anybody lately?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Me neither! We gotta stop these people what put up this billboard from doin’ it again! Sign petitions! March in the streets! Down wit’ anybody who don’t think climate change is real!”
“Right. So yer gonna go out an’ scream yerself silly, prolly get plastered inta the bargain, so’s ya all can give these billboard people publicity that they couldn’t buy for themselves, not if they had Bill Gates’s fortune behind ’em. I’m impressed. Ya really think climate change is real?”
“Yeah.”
“An’ ya really think we gotta go out an’ do somethin’ ’bout it?”
“Yeah!!”
“Great. I got just tha thing for ya. Here. Sign this.”
” ‘I pledge to do my part to stop global warming by ceasing to operate a car, heating my house only to prevent its freezing, abandoning all air conditioning, and otherwise reducing my carbon footprint by 2013 to one-fourth of that footprint in 2011 …’ Du-uuuuuuuude!! Are you nuts?!? How the hell’m I supposed to do Facebook if ya lay this on me?!? There ain’t no way!!!”
“More’n half o’ the world manages.”
“Right. What kinda a sucker d’ya take me for?”
“Everlastin’. Dude, do what ya gotta, but do me a favor?”
“Yeah?”
“Bug out an’ leave me alone.”