“Dude! Jeez!”
“What?”
“I been textin’ ya fer half an hour! What for ya dissin’ me?”
“I ain’t dissin’ ya, dude.”
“Well then answer my texts, dude! Yer thumbs busted, ‘r somethin’?”
“Ain’t the thumbs, dude.”
“I’d say yer head, but first ya gotta have one. What, then?”
“The phone, dude. It, ah, went swimmin’.”
“Again?!?”
“That’s cold, dude. It’s been awhile since the last one. Besides, it wasn’t my fault.”
“Yeah right.”
“It wasn’t my fault!! No dirt, dude, I was walkin’ along the beach mindin’ my own business, and the phone jumped outa my pocket and fell in the ocean. I fished it out real quick like, but it was already too late.”
“‘The phone jumped outa yer pocket’. Y’expect me ta believe that? For real?!? Go ‘head, dude, pull the other … Hey. Waitaminnit. How long ya say ya had that phone?”
“More’n a year.”
“So the contract was almost up?”
“Yeah.”
“An’ didn’t ya just get one a them fliers from tha phone company dingin’ on ya ta get a new phone?”
“Yeah …”
“An’ it was a smart phone, right?”
“Too smart for me.”
“Don’t give me no openin’s, dude. But, ya don’t suppose tha phone are that smart, huh? Smart ’nuff ta snuff themselves an’ make ya go out an’ buy new ones, when the company says?”
“Dude?”
“Yeah?”
“Yer scarin’ me …”
Yo, dudes, I said something similar to this the other day, and O’Cealleigh told me not to go starting any conspiracy theories. I think this theory has merit. I ignored a half-dozen “upgrade now” notices, and suddenly my phone melts down.
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