Dude and Dude: TANSTAAFA

“Dammit, dude!”

“Dam what, dude? Ain’t ya heard ’bout all the money bein’ spent these days ta take dams away? An’ ya wanna put ’em back?”

“Yeah. An’ when they’re pourin’ the concrete, I’m throwin’ this phone inta the middle of it.”

“For why?”

“‘Cause it don’t work. That’s why.”

“Yeah? Ya answer my texts OK.”

“That figures. The noise comes through fine. But I can’t load no games on it. Ever’ time I get inta one, it breaks. What good’s a phone that won’t play games?”

“How much ya pay for ’em, dude?”

“Yer kiddin’, right, dude? I only do tha free ones.”

“TANSTAAFA, dude.”

“Ain’t heard a nobody named Dan Staafa, dude. He one a these guys been throwin’ rocks at our embassies?”

“TANSTAAFA, dude. Ain’t a he, it’s an it. Acronym, no less. There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free App.”

“Huh? I got thousands of ’em right here!”

“Yeah. An’ ya were just tellin’ me how long they last afore they break. Ya tried contactin’ tech support?”

“Yeah, that’s a waste. They tell ya ta buy the premium version, an’ if ya don’t, ya never hear from ’em again.”

“Uh huh.”

“So how come they bother?”

“Ever hear a the game DOOM, dude?”

“Not on here, dude. New?”

“Old. Before cell phones old.”

“There was a time before cell phones?!?”

“Believe it, dude. They ran DOOM on big clunky PCs an’ prehistoric game boxes. An’ they gave it away!”

“Gnarly!”

“Until they got ya hooked. So ya’d buy the next levels. Know what the guy who wrote it’s doin’ now?”

“Nah.”

“Givin’ away Ferraris.”

“Me! I’ll take one!”

“Riiight, dude. Ya couldn’t pay for the gas ta put in one.”

“So ya reckon all these games ‘re bein’ put out by guys who wanna be like the DOOM guy.”

“Yeah. An’ if they hit on a winner, sweet. An’ if they don’t, they drop it. An’ ever’one who’s been usin’ it along wit’ it. If they was enough o’ you, they can use the body count to get some investor ta sign up ta fund the next release. An’ around an’ around ya go.”

“Dude?”

“Yeah?”

“Ya been hangin’ wit’ OC again, haven’t ya? Ya think too much. Ya need ta chill sometimes, ya know? Here, gimme yer phone. I got this free game ya just gotta try …”