The Dudes
“Yeah, baby! Bring ’em here!”
“Ah, dude?”
“What?”
“That’s spirit, not spirits.”
“That could start a spirited discussion, dude.”
“Not to mention heated?”
“If it’ll get some mulled wine inta this joint, ya better believe it.”
“Well, merry Christmas anyway, dude.”
“Dude. I told ya last year. I ain’t marryin’ that chick. Or nobody who don’t show up but once a year. Dig?”
“Once a year is once more than yer gettin’ now, dude.”
“Same as you, dude!”
Starship Train
“Computer …”
“Happy solstice, Captain.”
“Thanks. I suppose you of all … er … intelligences should know.”
“Believe me, Captain. If you were scanning my replicator logs, you’d know what season of the year it is. Not to mention all the holiday messaging, and calculating all the relativistic effects so that the messages arrive at all the correct planets in the Federation, and in the proper season for each one. And haven’t we established that I’m a person just like all the rest of you?”
“Sorry. Can I have my mulled wine now?”
“Coming right up …”
TSA Jack
“¡Feliz navidad, Manuel!”
“Thanks, Angelica. I think.”
“¿Que?”
“Not much of a dividend this year. Remember?”
“Oh, right, the crackdown. We have had to lay off shaking down the passengers, haven’t we? Speaking of which, where is Jack? They didn’t snag him, did they?”
“No, I understand he’s working on ways to get the agents they caught released and cleared.”
“Well, he’s got the right spirit. Good luck to him.”
“And good luck to us!”
“¡Si!”
Reg and Syd
“Eggnog, Reg?”
“Thanks, Syd. Not much of a holiday this year, is it?”
“More of an inconvenience. Moving our assets to the Cayman Islands in the short amount of time we have, and without getting detected, is not the least complicated task in the world, and people thinking they’re entitled to take days off in the middle of the work week does not help.”
“It’s good to have a friend who understands, Syd. It really does look like Washington is setting the country up to celebrate the New Year with the Indians.”
“Eh?”
Screwtape the Third
“What is this I hear about holiday celebrations underway topside, Wormsap?!?”
“T .. t .. temporary setback, Master Screwtape, I assure you!”
“It had better be. All these stories you’ve been feeding me about fiscal cliff fights, and about Ku Klux Klansmen and biker gangs “keeping the peace” against churchy types in Newtown and elsewhere, to say nothing of the Newtown event itself, made me think that, for once, we had things moving in the right direction. But now this! Just what are you trying to put over on me, Wormsap? You know it isn’t going to work.”
“Y .. you do remember the (ptui!) Adversary, sir?”
“Well, if that Jawhosis thinks he can play with the topsiders as if they were a pack of Whos, he can think again. Bless that Seuss creature, anyway.”
“Don’t we have him in our Hall of Cartoonists?”
“NO! We did NOT get him. And if you think I’m happy about this …”
“I .. I understand, sir!”
“I suggest, Demon Wormsap, that you get yourself out of my sight and into a place where you can do something about this completely unsatisfactory situation. Now!!”
“Yes sir! Of course, sir!”
Merry Christmas to you and virtually all of your friends, my love.