“Happy New Year, dude!”
“Meh.”
“C’mon, dude! The ball ain’t even dropped yet! Ya gotta at least start happy! Ya got 365 brand new days ta look forward to!”
“Not.”
“Not what!?!”
“Not 365 days. 312 at most. ‘Cause ya already lost all the Fridays.”
“But dude! Ya live fer Fridays!”
“Not this year, dude.”
“Huh? They start the weekend! Ya love weekends! ‘Course it ain’t like ya got a job durin’ the week from which ya c’n rest up durin’ the weekend. But still! What are ya on about?”
“So what year is this, dude?”
“2013.”
“‘Zactly!!”
“Earth ta Dude …”
“Yer circuit’s dead, dude. Lemme write it out fer ya. What’s next Friday?”
“The 4th.”
“In what year?”
“’13. Duh.”
“Duh yerself. Like ya just said. It’s Friday 13! An’ every Friday this year, it’s gonna be the same thing. All 52 of ’em! An’ just wait ’til September, when it’ll be Friday 13 13!! Screw tha Mayans, they didn’t know what they was talkin’ about. This year we got the 13 Apocalypse!! An’ we’re startin’ it off with a goddam cliff!! What the hell we got ta be happy ’bout? Huh?”
“Dude?”
“Yeah?”
“I gotta present for ya. Two of ’em, in fact.”
“Yeah?”
“An eggnog. Double shot, free refills. That’s one. An’ a copy a tha Zombie Survival Guide. Two.”
“The zombies ‘re comin’?!?”
“Yeah. All 13 of ’em. Go figure out how we’re gonna beat ’em off. The eggnog oughta help ya dream up somethin’.”
“An’ what ‘re you gonna do?”
“What everyone else is doin’ tanight, ‘cept maybe certain nutty dudes a my acquaintance. Partay!!”
Yo, Amoeba, tell me that nobody invited the Dudes to the party tomorrow.