“Wow, dude! Just wow!”
“Yeah? What’cha got, dude?”
“Dig this, dude! It’s rainin’ diamonds on Uranus.”
“What?!?”
“I said, ‘it’s rainin’ diamonds on Uranus’. Dude.”
“Not.”
“Not not.”
“Not not not, dude! I know these things personally!”
“Ya do?”
“Yeah! ‘Cause this rainin’ diamonds thing ain’t like ‘wow’, dude, it’s like ‘ow!‘ An’ I ain’t ow-in’. ‘Specially not there!”
“But you’ll be outa this world rich!”
“Uh-uh. The docs will be, after they’ve extracted all them rocks outa my tush.”
“Wuss.”
“Fine. You stick yer butt out there!”
“Do I look like a planet?”
“No, but ya do look like y’ve been ODing on a plant or two. Dude’s been into the mushrooms again …”
“Straight dope, dude.”
“Is that what you take me for?”
“The rainin’ diamonds, dude. It’s true! On Uranus and Neptune both.”
“Riiight. How?”
“Well, sez here that the atmosphere a these planets ‘ve got a lot of methane …”
“They’ve got cows?!?”
“Dudes, dude. An’ a whole mess a beans. I dunno where they got the methane, it’s just there, ‘k? Enough so it falls like rain. Snow, actually.”
“Ya tellin’ me it’s cold enough ta freeze yer …”
“Yeah. Ya gonna listen ta me ‘r what? An’ as this stuff falls, tha planet’s so big an’ heavy that tha gravity actually crushes tha methane into tha diamonds! An’ they might be in a layer miles thick at tha bottom a tha atmosphere. Wherever that is.”
“An’ if anybody can get to ’em.”
“Somebody‘ll figure it out.”
“Won’t be me, dude. But I’ll be happy when they do.”
“Yeah?”
“‘Cause then they can rename them dam planets. ‘Diamond Mine 1′ an’ ‘Diamond Mine 2’ sound pretty good ta me.”
“Ya don’t like tha names they got now?”
“Ya haveta ask? Dude who wants me ta spend tha rest of my life pulling gems outa my donkey? I’m surprised it ain’t been done already!”
“Been tried.”
“And?”
“Didn’t stick.”
“Damn.”