Dude and Dude: [deleted]by Boom

“Jebus, dude! I figgered last winter wuz rough, but, wowser!”

“Gotta keep warm somehow, dude.”

“Yeah right. Happiness is a warm gun, huh, John? An’ now ever’place ya look, there’s baby showers!”

“Is that what they’s doin’ ta break tha drought in California?!?”

“Trust me, dude, they’d rather be havin’ papa bear showers, yeah?”

“Ew.”

“Why do I bother talkin’ wit’ ya? Open yer Facebook. Ever’body’s expectin’! Alisha an’ Damitri, Dawg an’ Min, Bai Le an’ George, Ann an’ Armand …”

“No way Ann an’ Armand ‘r havin’ a baby, dude.”

“Way.”

“No way.”

“They posted tha ultrasound, dude! Hell, they posted a whole frickin’ library a ultrasound pics. An’ a video on Youtube! What more cred do ya want?!?”

“Ultrasound schmultrasound. They live where?”

“Onna farm in Iowa.”

“Precisely, dude. ‘Bout a thousand miles from the nearest bay, ‘less ya count like Green Bay, an’ that’s still hundreds a miles away in Wisconsin. So they ain’t havin’ no bayby. A cornby, I’ll dig. Or a soyby, or a alfalfaby. D’pends on what their main crop is, I reckon.”

“Dude …”

“An’ a course Bai an’ George commute ta Dallas, no bays anywheres ’round there either, so they’re having a burbby …”

“Dude …!”

“An’ then there’s Sue an’ Shawn livin’ in tha Blue Ridge Mountains a Virginia, no bays there neither, but plenty a hills, which they got funny names fer, so they’re prob’ly ‘spectin’ a knobby …”

“Du-UUUUUUDE!!! Ya tryin’ ta get tha whole world ta unfriend us?!?”

“Could be tha least a their worries, dude, if’n they think they all want baybies an’ move to tha ocean ‘r someplace ta do it. Might not be enuff bays ta go ’round, ya feel me? Some peeps might havta settle fer harborbies, ‘r beachbies, ‘r grab a boat an’ have seabies.”

“Dude, tha only thing more ridiculous than this is remembrin’ that ya done this ta me before. ‘Course, I don’t sapose ya remember tha time when ya wondered how come babies – an’ any other kinda ‘bies, dammit – were allowed ta be born on any otha day than Labor Day.”

“I do ‘member that, dude. Whateva became a that idea, anyhow?”

“It wuz a dumbby, dude. An’ it didn’t make it.”