Dude and Dude: Some Talent Required

“I dunno, dude.”

“Yeah, dude? This surprises me how?”

“That’s what I dunno, dude. How come I keep puttin’ up wit’ya!”

“‘Cause if’n ya didn’t, mebbe ya’d havta pay tha rent all by yerself? Don’ like yer chances, dude.”

“Same as you, dude! I don’ see where ya got no more talent than I do, not like what we need ta keep this roof over our heads.”

“Don’t need no talent ta hold down a job, dude.”

“Riiight. Sez who?”

“Sez tha dude in that picture up tha top a tha page.”

“What? Tha rapper? Where’s he get off yakkin’ ’bout things that don’ need no talent? He got bucketloads a it. He’s disqualified!”

“He’s got tech, dude, I’ll give ya that. Tech an’ talent ain’t necasairily tha same thing.”

“Yup. Sez tha dude what keeps tryin’ ta stuff a USB cable inta a Firewire port an’ can’t work out why it don’ fit. Ya got tech, an’ it don’ blow up in yer face, ya got talent. Just like ya gotta have ta do any a tha things on that bogus list a his.”

“What’s bogus about that list?”

“Only like ever’thin’, dumbo. Take that first one. Being on time. He ain’t never tried ta get nowhere on roads in Hawai‘i, ain’t he? Dude needs all day ta get 10 miles down tha road, an’ that’s wit’ a car – an’ a certified NASCAR dude drivin’ it. Talent required, dude.”

“I sapose ya got somethin’ ‘gainst work ethic too.”

“Yeah. Define it.”

“OK. … um …”

“Uh huh. Fifteen pages into tha employee handbook an’ ya still ain’t got a clue. Talent required!”

“Effort?”

“Same effin’ thing. Except that might take thirty pages a tha handbook, an’ a full time person in Human Resources ta figger out whether it means what it sez so’s they can fire ya wit’out gettin’ sued so’s they can bring in some chick cheaper.”

“Body language?”

“Ya fer real, dude? Dudes an’ chicks what want their body language ta say what they wannit ta say spend like hours a day front a a mirror so’s they can practice it. That’s both talent an’ hard frickin’ work! An’ no, I ain’t got tha energy ta run through tha rest a that list. I’m a’gonna sit down an’ use my sittin’ attitude ta tell ya I’m done. What I got passion fer is restin’. An’ tha only way yer gonna coach me inta doin’ extra is by payin’ extra.”

“We can do this, dude. I’ll pay ya a million times what yer makin’ now.”

“A … million? Dude, ya been holdin’ out on me? Where’s tha lab? What ya been cookin’?”

“Math.”

“Crystal?”

“Crystal clear.”

“Crystal clear math … Hey!!!”

“Nothin’ from nothin’ leaves nothin’, dude. Mebbe ya c’n start ta have somethin’ by bein’ prepared, yeah?”

“Like how?”

“Like, by cleanin’ yer room?”

“But where’m I gonna find places ta put my stuff?!?”

“Gotta start figurin’ out where yer talents lie sometime, dude.”