“Howzit, dude?”
“Gaa! Acne cream ta you too, dude. Jeez.”
“Woo-oh-ah! Self-conscious, much?”
“Mmmffmrmmmph.”
“An’ it ain’t even half as high as Hualalai.”
“Right. Keep it up, dude, an’ I’ll hua-la lie ya flat.”
“Ho-kay then. This sounds like a dude whose mornin’ needs ta be rebooted. Knock knock.”
“It’s open.”
“An’ since they’s nobody home, I can walk in an’ nick yer shit, yeah?”
“Ya c’n try.”
“Nah. Ain’t worth it. All ya got’s rotten apples what already got a bite outa ’em.”
“Yeah, well, I ain’t ’bout ta break no windows ta get at yer trash. They’re already busted.”
“Then I c’n use ’em ta brighten yer day. How many lovers it take ta screw in a light bulb?”
“What da you know about it?!?”
“So. Ya ain’t got a guess?”
“It d’pends on tha size a tha light bulb, dude! An’ fer Dawg’s sake don’ flip tha switch while they’re in there, yeah?”
“Ooo. That’d be, like, electrifyin’. ‘R mebbe electrifRyin’ …”
“Make ’em come hot, that’s fer sure.”
“Gives tha term ‘naked bulb’ a whole new meanin’.”
“Ya mean, diff’rent from tha one over yer bed?”
“That would be, ah, more interestin’ than that, yeah. Speakin’ a which, how come I ain’t seen nothin’ like this in tha gift ‘r head shops, ‘r online? Seems like a natural.”
“An au naturel?”
“A what?”
“Never mind. Figger it out, dude. It’s gotta get ya more dinero than them paid tweets ya been goin’ broke on. Reckon ya c’n find some thumbelina types who’d get in ta tha light bulbs. Tha trick’d be ta get ’em ta stay there. At some point they’d prolly insist on, like, a blanket ‘r somethin’.”
“An’ their heavy breathin’ would, like, fog tha glass …”
“Well, nobody said it’d be easy, dude, ‘r it’d be done a’ready. Get ta work!”
“Work?!?”
“Give ya somethin’ ta do other than rag on a dude’s zits! Dig?”