Dude and Dude: Gone Phishin’

“Jebus, dude, what tha hell is that!?”

“A bug, dude.”

“An’ ya let it, like, crawl all over ya?”

“Ain’t bit me yet, dude.”

“Serve ya right if’n it did, dude. Afta it’s spied out all yer secrets an’ sold ’em ta tha Russians ‘r somethin’!”

“… whut?”

“Ya jus’ told me it’s a bug, dude! An’ wit’ eyes like that, it prolly sees ever’thin’!”

“Got you fooled. Them ain’t eyes, they’s spots.”

“Ya mean, like they’re painted on ‘r something? Like fer why?”

“Fer b’cause if’n yer a lizard ‘r somethin’ tryin’ ta sneak up b’hind the bug so’s ya c’n eat it, tha bug flashes these eyespots an’ tha lizard goes like WHOAH, nope, gonna go hit up Burger King instead. Sorry ta bug ya, big guy.”

“That’s cool. So whaddaya call it?”

“A click beetle.”

“But they’s only one a ’em.”

“So?”

“I ain’t neva heard of a clique a one, dude. Where’s all tha rest?”

“Restin’ someplace. Where they don’ haveta listen ta you! Not tha nose kinda clique, dude, tha noise kinda click! Ya flip one a these on its back, it goes CLICK! an’ flops itself on its legs again. Usually several inches from where it was.”

“So’s if’n tha lizard ain’t scared off by tha spots, it hops all ova tha place an’ makes tha lizard dizzy so’s, if it actually did eat ennythin’, it’d prolly puke it back up again!”

“‘Specially if it wuz from Burger King.”

“Mickey D’s pay ya ta say that?”

“I wish.”

“OC too, I’ll bet. So yeah, tha spots ‘r cool an’ tha clicks ‘r cool, but it still ain’t like ya to go ’round collectin’ bugs, even if ya are tha one what talks wit’ OC alla tha time. What’s tha deal?”

“I’m gonna catch a mess of ’em, an’ take ’em out on tha boat wit’ me.”

“Aw, dude, yer gonna take yer little buggie friends out on a cruise!”

“A cruise where they’s gonna get used!”

“Yeah? How?”

“How else, dude? Clickbait!”

“Yer goin’ phishin’! Can I come?”

“Like I gotta choice?”

“Same as me, dude. We’re headin’ out past tha 200-mile limit, yeah?”

“That’s where tha phishin’ is best, dude. C’mon, let’s go.”