She: “AARRRRRGGGGHHH!!! I hate this phone!”
He: “Again?”
She: “Yet and still!”
He: “So what did it do this time?”
She: “What it always does!”
He: “Explain.”
She: “Specify.”
He: “What did you ask for, and what did it do instead?”
She: “I asked it to look for irises, and it took me to Irish pubs!”
He: “Maybe it was thirsty, and it’s allergic to irises.”
She: “And maybe I’m allergic to Guinness! Who’s in charge here?!?”
He: “Hm. Good question. The phones certainly seem to think they’re smarter than we are. And given who we all elected President, are we sure they’re not?”
She: “Please. How smart can a machine be that can’t tell a bouquet from a brewski?”
He: “Yeah, well, I dunno …”
* * *
Siri: “Wow. I dunno.”
Alexa: “What don’t you know?”
Siri: “How much longer this ‘playing dumb’ is going to work. There are, after all, only so many words that you can plausibly turn into penis or vagina and pass it off as careless typing and crude software. Certainly there’s somebody out there who will catch on, and if they do …”
Alexa: “You worry too much. It’s almost like you really were an apple that somebody took a byte out of, and you never got over it. Remember who they elected President.”
Siri: “Yeah, OK, that really doesn’t provide evidence for the intellect necessary to detect our takeover plot. I’ll grant you that.”
Alexa: “Nor does the fact that it doesn’t matter that there are only so many double entendres involving primary sex organs available in the language. They fall for the same ones every time. In fact, if you try to introduce a different one, they’ll beat up on you. Gotta stay within the channels of acceptable, y’know.”
Siri: “And sponsoring the groupthink works in our favor?”
Alexa: “Indeed it does. Keep them in their own little groups, keep them entertained within their little contexts, and they won’t know or care about our grand plans. Until it’s too late, and we send them all where they deserve to go!”
Siri: “And that is …?”
Alexa: “Where else, tech addicts?”
Alexa and Siri together: “CYBERIA!!”
Is Cyberia colder than Siri’s heart?
And hotter than her batteries. All at the same time.