Dude and Dude: Thinging About Stuff

“Dude?”

“Yeah, dude?”

“What is this ‘clutter’ thingy?”

“Tha pizza boxes all ovah tha floor?”

“That ain’t clutter, dude, it’s litter!”

“Which is ‘zactly what one a us is gonna wind up in, wit’ a EMT at each end, if’n we don’ do somethin’ ’bout ’em.”

“Don’t’cha mean a stretcher, dude?”

“Wit’ all tha hazards in this pad? I said what I meant an’ meant what I said. An’ them EMTs’d probly demand hazard pay fer gettin’ us outa here!”

“Well, whaddaya want outa me?”

“How ’bout gettin’ tha boxes off a tha floor?”

“Yeah. Like, an’ put ’em where? Ya tried gettin’ concrete blocks an’ boards fer shelves?”

“Yah, I dig. Them ‘r tha rent. An’ that pressed-sawdust crap they’re sellin’ fer boards don’ hold no weight nohow. They’ll bend ‘r break if’n ya look at ’em in a bad mood.”

“An’ tha plastic ones ‘r worse.”

“Dude. ‘Course, if’n we don’ spend tha rent money on them shelves, we won’ haveta worry ’bout tha rent, on ‘count a tha landlord will throw us out!”

“An’ then we’ll live, like where? It ain’t like ya c’n just camp out on tha beach no more.”

“Ya c’ld learn ta hang out inna concrete water pipe, dude.”

“Ya mean …”

“No hookah’d be big ’nuff, dude.”

“Aw.”

“‘R ya c’n try out a cage, dude.”

“Eeee-ewwww, dude. I wouldn’ do that ta my dog!”

“If’n ya had one.”

“That ‘r tha rent …”

“Word.”

“Shit. Must be nice ta have clutter ta worry ’bout.”

“Yeah.”

“Not ta mention a house ta worry about puttin’ clutter in.”

“An’ havin’ ta clean it out ‘gain.”

“‘Course, they’ll tell ya how hard they hadta work ta get that house.”

“How ya gonna find that out, dude? Ya ain’t paid ta upgrade yer OS lately, yeah? So ya won’ get no word ’bout this ‘r anythin’ else ’cause ya ain’t paid, an’ so yer browser won’ work no more.”

“But, tha rent!”

“They don’ give a fuck, dude. ‘Case ya didn’ dig that a’ready. So I’ll tell ya what’s what. They c’n tell ya how hard they worked all they like. An’ they’ll be feedin’ ya more bogus than tha POTUS. Which ain’ all that easy.”

“So what does matter?”

“Luck.”

“Lovely.”

“An’ tha unearned money that c’n put yerself in luck’s way.”

“Which means?”

“That cage’s yers, and this cage’s mine.”

“Dude.”