Dude and Dude: Passing Lane

“An’ if’n yer askin’ me, dude, I’ll tell ya it’s passin’ too damn close!”

“I ain’t askin’ ya, dude. But it don’t mean yer wrong. Dammit.”

“What tha hell’s tha deal, anyways? We fine’ly get tha volcano ta stop spewin’ its guts all ovah tha place, an’ now we get hurricanes! Didya stop goin’ ta church ‘r somethin’, dude?”

“Can’t stop what ya nevah started, dude. An’ given tha types a peeps churchy folks seem ta prefer over on tha mainland, I’ll take tha hurricanes.”

“Ya mean tha types what scream ‘truth ain’t truth’ ‘less it’s us what’s doin’ tha tellin’, an’ pass tha plate so’s we c’n tell ya some more?”

“Yeah, them. Hey, mebbe this motha’s tha ghost of a politician what lost an election!”

“An’ is comin’ ova heah ta settle scores wit’ Obama? Sorry, dude, ‘Hilary’ don’t appear on tha hurricane name list ’til, like, 2023. Ya wanna talk ‘settlin’ scores’, mebbe this hurricane is Pele’s big sista tryin’ ta get a lick in while she thinks Pele ain’t lookin’ ‘r is too pooped ta care.”

“Whole packa peeps in Puna wishin’ she’d thought this idee up sooner, I reckon.”

“Tha rest a us ain’t so intarested in bein’ tha collateral damage, dude. I thought we wuz saposed ta be immune ta these typhoonies on this here Big Island.”

“Guess we’re ’bout ta find out if’n that’s still so, dude. But ya ‘member when alla tha mainland news media wuz gettin’ just ’bout ever’thin’ wrong ’bout tha eruption? Includin’ tellin’ ’bout evacuatin’ O‘ahu which was hunnerts a miles away from tha volcano?”

“Yeah?”

“Wunner if they kept enny a that stuff. ‘Cause if’n tha hurricane’s goin’ where tha weather peeps think it’s goin’, they’ll be able ta use that O‘ahu disaster stuff an’ it won’t be fake news!”

“Dude!”

ONE WEEK LATER

“Kinda got off easy, didn’ we, dude?”

“Yeah. And nah.”

“… whut?”

“Yeah, we did’n get much wind here in Kona, we didn’ get much wet. Them things is cool, an’ trust me, I ain’t complainin’! But tha reps a tha weatha peeps took a hit, an’ so did ours!”

“Ours?!?”

“Passin’ Lane, dude? How ’bout Sittin’ Lane? That thing wuzn’t on no freeway, it wuz more like on a back road …”

“A Country Lane!”

“Yeah, whatevah. Sheesh. Anyways, it just sat out theah, la de do dah. Good thing it blew itself out while it was sittin’, ‘r we might still be tryin’ ta catch tha pieces a tha roof as they fly by.”

“Bad visual, dude.”

“VisualS, dude. They’s all ovah tha intahnet. Provin’ that, not only couldn’ tha weather peeps evah get tha forecast right fer this thing, they couldn’ even stick tha currect name on it.”

“Yeah? An’ per you, dude, what should tha name a been?”

“What tha flip else, dude? Hurricane Rain!!”