Dude and Dude: Heartless

WHITE’S STATEMENT
Don’t lose heart.

OWEN’S COMMENTARY ON WHITE’S STATEMENT
… they might want to cut it out …

BYRD’S ADDITION TO OWEN’S COMMENTARY ON WHITE’S STATEMENT
… and they want to avoid a lengthy search.

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“Dude?”

“Yeah?”

“This, like, sucks, dude! … hello?”

“Nah, dude, I ain’t askin’ whut this is. ‘Count a b’cause if I did, ya’d keep me here all day, an’ they’s only so much a this Zoom thingy I c’n take. Tell me mebbe what doesn’t suck. Shorter list, less time.”

“Babies on bottles.”

“… whut?”

“‘Cause if this keeps on like it’s goin’, ain’t gonna be nuthin’ in them bottles fer tha babies ta suck on, yeah?”

“[…] Good day sunshine ta you too, dude.”

“Yeah, like, whaddaya want from me? It’s Labor Day weekend and ya cain’t even go ta tha beach!”

“Big dudes ‘r tryin’ ta make sure ya don’t get laid out on tha beach permanently. In yer case, I ain’t quite sure why they’re sweatin’ it …”

“What? So’s tha COVID don’t take ya out? ‘r are they tryin’ ta keep alla tha cars offa tha roads so’s ya don’ rack yerself up drivin’ one? That one’s tha more likely, ya ask me. Why don’ they just make a announcement, ‘Fun’s cancelled fer tha rest a tha year‘ an’ have done?”

“‘Cause if’n they, ‘r you, think this is gonna be over at tha end a tha year, y’all got ‘nother think comin’. We’s just gonna haveta tough it out. Kinda like we thought a million years ago.”

“Ya mean, like, back in April?”

“Yeah, then. Ya ain’t bailin’ on me, dude?”

“Not if’n ya keep yer ass outa tha path a tha bucket. An’ ya might wanna consider grabbin’ a bucket yerself, yeah? Tha water’s comin’ inta tha boat hard ‘n fast, an’ if’n yer countin’ on jus’ me doin’ this, yer gonna get a little soggy even if ya don’t get hit wit’ a pailful.”

“OK, OK dude! I wuz just checkin’ up on ya, y’were soundin’ a bit, like, gloomy.”

“Ya reckon? Wit’ life in tha tank an’ tha Idiot In Chief an’ his goons tryin’ ta cark it up even worse, an’ peeps buyin’ it?!? An’ Biden an’ his crowd promisin’ ta find new ways ta cark things up? Didya know that, ever’ Republican President startin’ wit’ Nixon has figgered out some ingenious way ta piss tha country off, enuff so’s one would think their party would be in tha wilderness, like, ferever, an’ tha minute a Democratic President came in, wit’in two years tha Republicans had stormed right back? Carter’s debacle, Clinton vs. tha Contract wit’ America, which woulda been easier ta deal wit’ if’n he’d kept his dick in his pants, Obama vs tha ‘birthers’ despite tha fact that he stopped tha Great Recession from lookin’ more like what we got now?”

“You have been talkin’ wit’ OC?!?”

“First time fer ever’thin’, dude. An’ ya learn, real quick like, that tha way ya don’t lose heart is by fergettin’ about it an’ focusin’ on tha bailin’.”

“Word.”

“But a dude’s gotta take a break sometime. An’ I can’t even go ta tha beach!”

“Ya c’n try readin’, dude.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“Like this.”

“OC’s Quilly has written a book?”

“Yep.”

“What kind? I mean, it’s not like she’s inta stuff nobody ever heard of, ‘r cares ’bout, like OC is.”

“A romance, dude. Dude an’ a chick an’ a dog an’ a farm ranch out West an’ …”

“Du-UUUUUUUUUDE!!! We couldn’t get chicks afore we had ta sweat masks an’ social distancin’! Ya tryin’ ta torture me afore ya kill me?!? How do they even get ta hold hands wit’out tha COVID police descendin’ on ’em??”

“It’s fiction, dude. Tha police are defunded.”

“Yeah right. Are you fer real, dude?”

“Virtually. Same as you. Have ya fergotten?”