“Dude?”
“Yeah?”
“What tha forecast?”
“Here? At this time a year? Ya know it well’s I do. ‘Dark. Continued mostly dark tonight …”
“‘… wit’ widely scattered light in tha mornin’. That’s old, dude.”
“Sue me. An’ it’s gonna get a whole lot worse afore it gets better, yeah? Dark. An’ cold. An’ wet. Yer widely scattered light might show up at, like, 10 AM. In tha pourin’ rain. An’ ya don’t need a snarky app ta figger that out. Or leastways ya shouldn’t. So what’s yer point?”
“Hawai‘i.”
“I didn’t know there wuz a peninsula named Hawai‘i …”
“Dude?”
“Yeah?”
“Shaddap. I miss tha state. I miss tha island.”
“Good.”
“[…]”
“One. Yer too far away ta hit it. Two. If’n ya did hit it, it’s a helluva lot bigger than you. Ya ain’t gonna hurt it, it prob’ly wouldn’t even notice. You, on tha other hand … an’ I ain’t payin’ yer medical bills.”
“Knew I c’ld count on ya, dude. Not.”
“Do I look like a calculator, dude?”
“What ya look like is a dude what’s fergotten what it’s like ta be warm an’ sunny.”
“I sure as hell r’member bein’ hot an’ sweaty …“
“You got chicks?!?”
“[…] Dude, what’re ya on?”
“Ya tell me where ya got the chicks, I’ll tell ya where I hid tha stash. It’s like this, dude. I wuz readin’ about how somebody sed ‘if’n ya want rainbows, ya gotta put up wit’ tha rain.’ Sure been a lot a rain since we got here, but I ain’t seen no rainbows. Kinda a downer …”
“Facepalm, dude. That line’s so bogus it hurts. Don’tcha ‘member when we wuz chasin’ rainbows in Hawai‘i? I sure do, ’cause I hadta put up wit’ ya callin’ ’em unicorn farts.”
“Did I get yer ‘tention ‘r didn’t I, dude?”
“Riiight. Didya pay ‘tention ta tha fact that we wuz diggin’ tha rainbows an’ not gettin’ wet?”
“Um …”
“If’n ya want rainbows, dude, ya gotta put up wit’ it rainin‘, all right. Rainin’ on somebody else! Ya only get ta go ‘oh wow’ if’n some other dude is, like, drownin’. That dude gettin’ wet is you, ya ain’t gonna see nothin’.”
“So I don’ get ta be happy ‘less somebody else is miserable? Ain’t there some big fancy word for that?”
“Lemme search it … oh yeah, here it is.”
“Right. So we should be callin’ these multicolored arches in the sky painbows?”
“Dude.”