WASHINGTON, DC (API*): At a press conference held in the Rose Garden of the Executive Mansion this date, Department of Government Efficiency head Elon Musk announced the formation of a holding company that would assume controlling interests in all of Mr Musk’s properties, including SpaceX, Tesla, and the Boring Company. The company would be named “TMZ General Corp“, and would name Mr Musk as CEO and Chairman of the Board.
Upon its establishment, Mr Musk said, TMZ General Corp would enter into merger negotiations with the Federal Government of the United States of America. When asked why Mr Musk didn’t simply run for President of the USA instead, Mr Musk cited his ineligibility for the office under the provisions of the Constitution of the United States of America, and stated that, if America were truly to be made great again, it “didn’t have time for such niceties.”
A speaker for the company later said that TMZ General Corp was seeking a manufacturer of zinc bushings to add to its portfolio.
There are unconfirmed reports that a Musk employee who was present was fired for yawning while the announcement was being made, particularly when The Boring Company was mentioned. The social media post that allegedly reported the firing had been deleted, along with the account of the poster and all evidence for that poster’s existence.
The original copyright owners for the name “TMZ General Corp” could not be reached for comment. The surviving members of the group that established the name were last seen in the hills surrounding Los Angeles, California, chasing an ice cream truck with nickels in their hands.
* API: Amoeba Press International. Fake News. What Else Sell$? What Else Matter$?
In other news, the New York Times reports that demonstrators waving Nazi flags have paraded through the streets of Columbus, Ohio. It is unclear at this writing whether accounts of this and similar events have been deleted as defamatory from Facebite and other social media platforms.