One fine day at the local market …
Grocer (entirely too cheerful): “Good morning, my man!”
Amoeba (instantly wary): “G’mornin’, Hank. Yer awful chipper fer a wet ‘n’ rainy Monday mornin’.”
G (unfazed): “And why shouldn’t I be, when I’ve got golden sunshine in a box to brighten my day, and yours too when you take some home with you!”
A (battle stations): “Oh?”
G (the reveal): “Fresh apricots! Just arrived!”
A (incredulous): “Here? In January? Smack dab in the middle of the rain festival?”
G (smug posture): “Among the many miracles of modern agricultural practice!”
A (verbal eye roll): “Yeah-uh-huh. Just like the mangoes you had in here a month or so ago. Green bricks when we bought them, and rotten to the core in 24 hours. You do know that green mangoes are full of the stuff that makes handling poison ivy a rash act?”
G (he doesn’t): “… whut?”
A: “Thought so. OK, where?”
G: “What where?”
A: “Where’s your ware?”
G: “Where’s my what where?”
A: “You’re not aware of where your ware is?”
G: “Are you aware that you’re wearing me down?”
A: “I am not wearing your down, or anyone else’s. We’re not where we need to weather that weather. Thank goodness. You haven’t answered my question.”
G (completely bewildered): “What question?”
A (insistent): “Where is your ware?”
G (grasping at straws): “I’m here. I’m right here!”
A (giving up): “Where are the apricots?”
G (points at display, growls): “Right there!”
A (walks to display, inspects fruit, picks one up, tosses it in his hand): “Green. Hard as bullets. Spots and gouges. These are not apricots.”
G (getting surly): “Are so!”
A (calmly, not responding to G’s emo): “Are not. At best, they’re B-pricots. And that’s with the grade inflation that comes from a system that sells courses to students, and keeps them paying fees, rather than preparing them to do a day’s work. In an honest, useful grading system, these would be Cminus-pricots. And that might be generous.”
G (suddenly conciliatory): “Yeah. I know what you mean.”
A (warily curious): “Oh? Were you a professor somewhere?”
G (calmly): “Yes. I was, in fact.” (with abrupt savagery) “At the College of Hard Knocks. Where I learned to deal with the likes of you!” (turns away, is suddenly all sunshine again) “Good morning, Mabel!”
Big smile